Through the Fog

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia about the time people  stopped writing on stone tablets. Okay - slight exaggeration - but it was a very long time ago. It was a time when most people weren't entirely sure Fibromyalgia was real. Many doctors either outright denied it as a true medical diagnosis or didn't know anything about it.

It was hard to get a diagnosis - and even harder to find treatment and support. I struggled through and did a lot of research on my own. I figured out some things with a lot of trial and error. The only real books available were written by doctors and half the time you couldn't understand what they were saying. They also very often contradicted each other.

That's when I thought a book that talked to Fibromyalgia patients - from a normal person's point of view and gathering websites, articles, etc. might be helpful. I got a first draft done and then I got sick. Very sick. I had chronic lung infections for over 9 years. They still don't know why. I waffled between so sick I was nearly hospitalized to a bad cold. Of course - Fibromyalgia kicked into overdrive and I was nearly always in flare mode.

I didn't write, I rarely read. I just existed. I barely did the things I needed to do. The book was forgotten.

Now I hope those chronic infections are behind me - so I started digging out those old projects. The Fibromyalgia book seemed less necessary. There are lots of blogs and websites to give people support these days. I considered forgetting it altogether, but I was convinced there may be something in there that can still speak to someone going through Fibromyalgia and associated disorders. So, my plan is to post at least once a week from that material (with updated resources and links).

I hope someone finds it helpful. So look for something Fibromyalgia related on here at least every Friday.

Sneezy and Itchy

That same grass that gives my kitties so much joy. makes me itch, sneeze, and my respiratory system complain. I wish I knew a way to fix it. I take zyrtec every day. I take flonase during the "growing" season, I try to stay indoors and I even tried the steroid shot. I'm still miserable.

Don't get me wrong, without the meds things are much worse (except the shot - that didn't help at all and actually seemed to make my symptoms worse). If I go outside, I end up scratching all over and the coughing and sneezing becomes much more than occasional. If I stay out there long enough - or heaven help me - actually touch the grass -- then I end up with a rash and sometimes these asthma like attacks with wheezing.

This makes it really hard when activities tend to surround backyards, barbecue grills or my grandchildren wanting to play outside.

I found out about the grass allergy when I was trying to fix my chronic lung infection. The specialist did a blood test. My new doctor gave me the steroid shot a month ago -- and said if it didn't work we could look into allergy testing at my next appointment (a year from now).

So, has anyone had similar issues and come up with a different/better fix?

Grass for Cats

With 11 cats, I dedicate a good bit of time to finding ways to enrich their lives, keep their attention, get them thinking/solving puzzles, and so on. The truth is, if they're busy and happy, they are less likely to fight with each other or destroy things. Plus I just  genuinely like making them happy.

A lot of houseplants are deadly to cats. Houseplants Poisonous to Cats They are so curious about them though. Behaviorists say for every "no" to your cat, you should also provide at least one yes. Catnip is easy to grow and can be an option - but some cats don't like it or have a negative reaction. I'll do a post on Catnip later, but today I wanted to talk about grasses.

Most cats seem to really like grasses and they can help with minor digestive problems as well. Cat safe grass is easy and pretty cheap to grow as well.

The two cats in the picture are Faith (a senior tuxedo) and Maya (a 7 year old calico). The planter I used was purchased on Amazon. When I stopped being able to find refills for it, I looked and saw the same variety of seeds were available in mixes - and I bought a bag of seed starter pellets as well. It was cheaper and I get the same stuff as before! There are several different types and sizes of starter kits available as well.

I like this mix (Oat, Barley, Wheat, and Rye) because different cats seem to prefer different grasses. Usually I keep it away from the cats until it is about 3 inches tall. Let them chew on it until it's short (with my crew that can be an hour or two), then take it away again and let it grow back out. It only takes about a week to be ready from seed and I usually get three or four sessions in before the grass is just not wanting to grow back anymore. You may be able to stretch it out even longer.

The biggest keys to success are not over watering it because that can grow mold, and letting it grow fairly thick so they don't just pull out the baby plants.

If you try this or already grow cat grass, let me know what your cats think and share any tips.

Happy Independence Day!

One of my sons and his children are coming to visit tomorrow. So, I wanted to take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy Independence Day.

When I was around 10, our family was overseas and went to a picnic on the base with fireworks afterwards. Everyone sat on blankets and it was crowded with friends and strangers. Next to us was a rowdy group in military clothing. They were nice - and more than a little drunk. One of them asked me, "Why are there fireworks?" I told him we were celebrating our independence. "Independence from what?" he asked. That's when I noticed he had a British accent. They got quite a kick out of how red faced I was. 

This has always been a time of family, friends, food, and fireworks. It's different this year, but I hope we all take a moment to reflect on what the holiday is really about and how important our freedom is. We have a unique history. None of our founders were perfect. but they accomplished an amazing feat and our nation has been instrumental in helping to spread freedom across the globe.

We have a lot to be thankful for. If you know a veteran. thank them for their service in maintaining that freedom. If you get to be with your family, make sure you tell them how much you love them.

Be safe and enjoy our hard fought freedoms.

I'm Back!

It has been a long time - and I am not sure anyone will even visit here anymore - but I'm back!

During the last 10 years I moved 5 times. One of those moves took us out of state. I was very sick. I had some kind of serious lung infection that they still haven't identified. I ran a fever off and on and always had a productive cough and difficulty breathing. I took antibiotics, saw specialists, had all kinds of tests done... I even had a surgical procedure where they flushed out my lungs, and then tested some of the nastiness that came out. That was supposed to be the answer - but even after two more rounds of antibiotics I was still coughing. Then three months later the cough just stopped. I don't know why. It stayed away for a couple months - then came back but not as serious. Now I sometimes cough and sometimes not. I would love any prayers or advice anyone might have.

With my health better - and this being my "last" move - I am hoping to get back to reading and writing more. I still have a bunch of ideas to work on.

Other things in life have changed as well. My boys are grown and gone. They are both married and we now have 4 grandchildren - three boys and a girl! She is the youngest and very rare for our family. Only boys have been born for a few generations.

All my furbabies are healthy and keeping us on our toes.

I pray your family is healthy and well and I look forward to connecting with you all soon.

A Heart Most Certain - Review

Title: A Heart Most Certain

Back Cover Blurb: A Fresh Voice in Historical Romance! 
Lydia King knows what it's like to be in need, so when she joins the Teaville Moral Society, she genuinely hopes to help the town's poor. But with her father's debts increasing by the day and her mother growing sicker by the week, she wonders how long it will be until she ends up in the poor house herself. Her best chance at a financially secure future is to impress the politician courting her, and it certainly doesn't hurt that the moral society's president is her suitor's mother. Her first task as a moral society member—to obtain a donation from Nicholas Lowe, the wealthiest man in town—should be easy . . . except he flat-out refuses.
Despite appearances, Nicholas wants to help others but prefers to do it his own way, keeping his charity private. When Lydia proves persistent, they agree to a bargain, though Nicholas has a few surprises up his sleeve. Neither foresee the harrowing complications that will arise from working together. When town secrets are brought to light, this unlikely pair must decide where their beliefs—and hearts—truly align. 

My Take: 

I love the cover! So pretty!

This was an interesting book featuring a topic not covered by many books in Christian fiction. I thought it was thought-provoking and helped give faces and a new perspective to a controversial subject. How can Christians best minister to those thoroughly lost and in horrible situations like prostitution? 

Today it is both easier and harder to move on from your past and get a fresh start. There are still those in the church who refuse to associate with anyone who has been in any kind of real trouble. How can we help if we see them as ... "less" worthy than the rest of us?

I thought it was unique to have both main characters come from a place of judgment and prejudice - but on different sides. Lydia was following the crowd of "moral" women who thought the people in bars and brothels were beneath them and should be eradicated and removed rather than rehabilitated or assisted. Mr Lowe believed the church was full of worthless hypocrites that didn't and couldn't care for those less fortunate and trapped in the "seedy" side of town.

Neither were totally correct and both wanted to please God. It was also interesting that both thought they weren't good enough for the other person to be genuinely interested in them as a spouse. Though their respect and admiration for each other grew, I could see the possibility that they would never end up together because of their steadfast refusal to think the other person genuinely cared about them.

Both had complex back stories that helped make their characters -- and their current reactions and feelings -- seem more realistic. 

It was a good book and well written. I want to thank the publisher for providing my copy, though it in no way influenced my review. 

A Shout in the Dark

I've been working on a book about Fibromyalgia for.... too long. Part of the problem is I wanted to write the book to help people struggling with this kind of.... fuzzy illness that isn't understood well by even members of the medical community. Nobody was there to answer my questions and I wanted to help educate, empower, and encourage people. The problem is that I am not always very inspired, encouraged, or empowered myself.

So, I'm writing this post more or less as a stress reliever for myself. I'm hoping that by putting my frustration into words and sending it out -- it will be a kind of therapy. So, only read on at your own risk.

I am feeling defeated lately. I'm alone, sick, tired, in pain, and I just want it to stop. I'm a Christian - so I keep thinking that I shouldn't feel this way. I should find the lesson, know God is with me, and have hope. I don't lie though -- so I don't feel any of those things. Like Paul, I have prayed and prayed for even part of it to go away. It hasn't. Unlike Paul, I don't feel like God's strength is being glorified by my weakness. I am a failure in every part of my life.

Here's the list: Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Asthma, Allergies, Chronic Migraines, Severe Insomnia, Hair Loss, Osler-Rendy-Weber (a blood disorder), Obesity, High Cholesterol, and a severe, chronic, and productive cough that nobody has been able to find a cause or treatment for.

It's not a life threatening list. I have had family members fight MS, Lupus, Cancer, Heart disease, and diabetes. I know my list isn't as serious as all that. Still.... The things I suffer from interact and trigger each other. Two of the most recent things are a particular problem that I can't seem to manage or overcome.

I had two boys. Both were miracles as I wasn't supposed to be able to have children. Both were born early - but both weighed almost nine pounds and I gained a lot of weight with each pregnancy. I retained water when pregnant - so much so that I had legs that looked like columns -- with none of the slimmer areas like around your ankles.

Those boys and the extra weight have weakened my bladder. Combine a weak bladder with a severe chronic cough and you have incontinence. Because physically I don't have an incontinence problem without the cough -- there is no fix for my incontinence. I don't cough a couple times a day. I cough nearly all the time. It's loud enough that we can't hear the tv, it aggravates my asthma, and sometimes it even causes my to throw up.

It won't kill me, but it means I can't do a lot of things. I love my church - and going. How can I when my coughing is a constant disruption and distraction? Plus the gross factor of over half of my coughing spells are productive. That is the case with most outings. We had a family friend who is almost like an adopted son visit and they wanted to meet at a restaurant. I took 4 different cough/cold medications and still had a cough that drew stares and eve some comments. I don't go out much, and it's hard to talk on the phone.

So, I'm isolated. My cats love me, but that's a total cliche, isn't it?

My husband. My poor husband. How can you have sex when you can't breathe and you're constantly peeing yourself? It's been months - and I can't think of a fix. I know he loves me - but it's hard for him. It hurts me that I know I am not meeting that need for him. He's only human too - and part of me does worry that eventually I'll lose him. He had enough to put up with without this last push. And the cough and incontinence aren't a couple months old. It has been years.

Yesterday I hit a new low. Showers are exhausting for me. Maybe that sounds ridiculous - but it's a fact. My husband calls it my "PSRP" (Post Shower Recovery Period). I take a shower so we can go somewhere, but I have to rest for 15 to 30 minutes afterward or I won't have the energy to do anything.

But this shower --- I coughed so hard and then this huge wave of nausea hit. I was so sick that I ended up getting out without even getting all the conditioner out of my hair. I was pretty much worthless for the rest of the day. I took that shower just after 5 pm.

So, when my husband called and asked me about my day... I just imploded. I didn't have anything worth saying. I hadn't accomplished anything and as much as I wanted to be positive and uplifting for my hard working husband - I was feeling defeated, worthless, deflated, exhausted, alone, and angry. I wasn't nice. I wasn't who I wanted to be.

I don't have any answers. I have tried tons of medications (prescribed and over the counter), essential oils, air purifiers, supplements... My next appointment isn't until the end of October. Pray for answers, healing, patience, and most of all for my attitude.